Dear Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences,
I would like to formally nominate my peers and I for several Academy Award nominations, related to the newly released mega-film, "The Load In". As you may have read in the papers, the blogs, and the magazines, I have really topped myself with this effort. My father always told me that if I didn’t create my masterpiece by the time I was twenty-one years old, he would consider me a failure and have me killed. Well, guess what, Pappy!? My magnum opus is complete.
You see, Academy, this film (directed by and co-starring yours truly) is something special. Mark my words - your grandchildren will be studying this gem in film school sixty years from now. They will be baffled by its attention to detail, and shocked by its realism. A lot of people are currently debating its genre: Is it a horror film? A drama? A comedy? A comi-drama-hor?
The answer is comi-drama-hor.
Suck on that for a while.
More importantly, this film is a character piece. A study of the human condition that includes the flaws - the ups and downs of life. One needs to look no further than Boots Factor’s sultry performance to see that we are all, indeed, a part of something grand. His character has often been compared to a young "Jesus", doing all that he can to balance his earthly duties and his dedication to his God-like father (played, like a whispering hummingbird, by Kit Karlson).
Academy, I’ve heard the buzz around Hollywood. I’ve seen Daniel-Day Lewis in that silly flick about a smelly gold-digger who dresses like a conductor and hides behind his moustache like a twelve year old scaredy-cat.
Guess what, Academy:
I ain’t no gold-digger.
Go ‘head girl, Go ‘head, get down.
In closing, I will not rest until I see you come to your senses and nominate the film in (at least) the following categories:
- Best Actor (Kit Karlson)
- Best Actress (Boots Factor)
- Best Film
- Best Original Music (Bears Attack)
- Best Supporting Actor (Kyle Riabko)
- Sweetest Special Effects (Lucasfilm)
- Best thing ever made. Ever.
I have attached the movie to this virtual open-letter. Please, do not simply watch it with your eyes. View it with your mind. Experience it with your soul. Dig in. Enjoy.
Sincerely,
Kyle Riabko
The depth in Kyle’s un-named character, who I am affectionately calling “The Load” is truly remarkable. We see a lost, demented soul. The Load’s abused childhood, his broken home, his myriad of undiagnosed mental illnesses all come out in this brief yet utterly important moment of film. His final glare into the camera leads the viewer confronting his or her own personal anguish; Confront this threat to save a lost young man? Or turn away, leaving him alone, as everyone else in his past has?
Bravo, Kyle. Bravo.
That was incredible.
How did you keep this masterpiece a secret for so long?! Surely while writing, casting, filming, and editting this cinematic beauty, you couldn’t resist screaming to the heavens of your greatest achievement? !
You make J.K. Rowling look like a big-mouthed gossip.
Thank you, Lansing. Thank you. Your words are like gold to me.
I drink your milkshake…I drink it up.